50 Questions to Ask Before an Arranged Marriage

In an arranged marriage, you are often asked to make one of life's biggest decisions after only a handful of supervised meetings. The pressure to be polite frequently crowds out the questions that actually matter. Yet the couples who do best are almost always the ones who asked real questions early — about money, family, ambition, and daily life — instead of discovering the answers years later. This guide gives you 50 questions, grouped by theme, to help both people speak honestly before saying yes.

You will not ask all 50 in one sitting, and you should not interrogate. Pick the ones that matter most to you, weave them into natural conversation across meetings, and pay as much attention to how the person answers as to what they say.

Values and Life Outlook

1. 1What does a good marriage look like to you?
2. 2What did you learn about marriage from watching your parents?
3. 3How important is religion in your daily life, and how do you want to practise it as a couple?
4. 4What are three values you would never compromise on?
5. 5How do you handle disagreement — do you talk it out immediately, or need space first?
6. 6What does 'success' mean to you, ten years from now?
7. 7Is there anything in your past you feel I should know before we decide?
8. 8How do you define respect in a relationship?

Family and Living Arrangements

1. 1Do you expect us to live with your parents, separately, or somewhere in between?
2. 2How involved will our families be in our day-to-day decisions?
3. 3What are your responsibilities towards your parents, financially and otherwise?
4. 4How do you imagine we will split time between both families during festivals?
5. 5If there is conflict between me and your family, how would you handle it?
6. 6What role do you expect my family to play in our lives?
7. 7Are there family traditions you expect us to continue?

Money and Career

1. 1How do you think about money — saver, spender, or somewhere in between?
2. 2Will we keep separate accounts, joint accounts, or both?
3. 3What are your current financial commitments — loans, family support, dependents?
4. 4Do you expect both of us to work? How do you feel about a partner who earns more, or less?
5. 5How would we make major financial decisions together?
6. 6What are your career ambitions, and would you ever relocate for them?
7. 7How would we handle it if one of us wanted to take a career break?

Lifestyle and Daily Life

1. 1What does an ideal weekend look like for you?
2. 2How do you feel about cooking and sharing household work?
3. 3What are your views on diet, drinking, and smoking?
4. 4How much time do you like to spend with friends versus at home?
5. 5How important is travel to you?
6. 6What are your sleep and work rhythms like on a normal day?
7. 7How do you unwind after a hard day?

Children and the Future

1. 1Do you want children, and if so, when?
2. 2How do you imagine we would share parenting responsibilities?
3. 3What values would you want to raise our children with?
4. 4How do you feel about your partner's career after children?
5. 5What are your views on education and schooling?
6. 6How would we handle differing opinions on raising our children?

Health and Personal History

1. 1Is there anything about your health I should know?
2. 2Are there hereditary conditions in your family?
3. 3How do you take care of your physical and mental wellbeing?
4. 4Have you been in relationships before, and are you comfortable telling me about them?
5. 5Is there anything you are anxious about as we consider this match?

Communication and Conflict

1. 1When you are upset, do you withdraw or confront?
2. 2How were emotions expressed in your home growing up?
3. 3What is one thing a previous misunderstanding taught you about yourself?
4. 4How would you want me to support you when you are stressed?
5. 5What does an apology look like to you?

Expectations of Each Other

1. 1What are you hoping I bring into your life?
2. 2What is one thing you would find genuinely difficult to live with?
3. 3How much independence do you expect each of us to keep after marriage?
4. 4What does emotional support look like for you?
5. 5Five years in, what would tell you our marriage is working?
6. 6Is there a question you wish I would ask you?

How to Use These Questions Well

Do not treat this as a checklist to race through. Choose the ten or fifteen questions that matter most to you, and let them surface naturally across your meetings. Listen for tone and honesty, not just rehearsed answers. And remember that you are also being assessed — answer your own questions as openly as you expect the other person to.

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